aditi -a long powerful poem

(1)

i am
a plague
to my genesis

like a leech
i suck on
their blood
their sweat
their toil
their emotions
their existence


i am
the DECAY
of their hopes
a regression
of their dreams

i am
a disappointment
to their faith
and belief

(2)

foul putrid ideas -
a stench
of decadence,
of the mind -
the mere thought
like acid
burns
peels
corrodes
every sensibility
that exists
i continue to be
a burden
on my own soul
weighed down
by the guilt
of thinking
a thought
i was prohibited
to explore.

(3)

the sweetness
is stinging
acrid -
the memories

aching

subliminal,
you are
more
than i can perceive

the unspoken
silent desire
stirs up again
a wish
that corrodes me
hollow
scars me
scalds me

the fondness
displayed
like a rebuke
mocks
teases
my helplessness
lures
tests
pushes at
the prohibition
i make for myself.

(4)



Have the claws

Been scoured

Of the sin

Perhaps the flesh

Could be stitched

Back in



Pungent scars

Mark an offense



Defaced body

Defaced soul

What's more scarred

I'm not sure





(5)



The eyes aren't

Mirrored

Anymore

All that is visible

In them

Is the echo

Of an accusing

Piercing silence




Sniffling away




Burning hopes

Burning anguish

Burning ashes

Of a degenerated soul

All

Slowly trickle down



(6)


Sympathy

Pours into ears

Like red hot iron

Tensed sinews

Of grating feet

The nails

Digging in the palms



Which word

Soaked in pity

Could really heal?



Sympathetic

Or mocking

Condescending

Is every gaze



Buries me

Six feet under



Again

And

Again





(7)



It's not yet a bygone

That it can be forgotten



Angst and suffering

Still conspire together



Every night

Every day

Every moment



Shrieks again

Howls again



Bleeds again

Throbs again



Every night

Every day

Every moment



I die a thousand deaths.