Friday, August 3, 2007

ADITI GOENKA - a lot of writing


The breathing gets rapid

And sometimes abruptly turns faint

Stops even in the middle

The heart keeps thumping however

The breathing gets shallow

Stops even abruptly once in a while

Only to become rapid and short again

The racing heart against the chest

Unsettled am I….

Suffocating with the existence of the desire

When the realization is prevailing

A realization that

The desire shall always remain a desire.

A lump grows within the parched throat

A gulp

No help

The voice is still lost

The mind is buzzing with conversations and voices

And yet not a word manages to stutter out

The clenched fingers trap the feelings from spilling

The fear envelopes the expression

The desperation refuses to roll down the cheek

Hesitant to narrate…

Unsettled am I….

The burden heaves upon the bosom

Suffocating… gasping…

Struggling to breathe

Struggling to survive

Struggling between the desired and the deserved

Denied I am the voice

The expression

By the fear of the sin I'm about to commit

With the fear of stepping into

The unknown prohibited space

Fear of losing what I desire for

Crave for... yearn for…


Gathering the pieces

Of a shattered vase

The hand hesitates

Each time

It picks up a part

For the hope with which

I pick them up

Gets folded in

With sorrow and pain

And gets garnished

With the fear

That the vase

Might break again

A cut by the crystal

Reminds me the way

The heart wrenched

Reminds me

Of the love

The longing

The suffering

And the offence

Trickles down

As representatives

Drops of blood

On the floor

For the water in the vase

Dried up long, long ago

Trembles the gluey brush

As it comforts

Each detached piece

Wondering whether

It’ll ever trap the moonlight

Or dance in the sunbeam

Whether it’ll sparkle

In the ‘shine ever again


Fragrances will bloom

And smile at me again

Whether the adhesive

Will hold them together

Long enough

Never to detach them again

And even then….

Will the cracks

Completely vanish

The scars

Of heartbreak and pain

A whip of the wind

Lashed it down

Scattering the pieces

Which’ll take a lifetime to collect

Yet collecting

Yet doubting

As to will I be able to

Gather back all

As to whether

The vase will be

As charming as before

Will it be admired

And adored…?

With all it imperfections

Scars and more..?


Constant chaotic hustle bustle

And buzzing in my head

Yet I feel brain dead

Endless conversations in my mind

And yet the void of silence

Swallows and consumes me whole

I don’t desire to speak a word

Yet crave to scream out loud

I wish to cry and cry

Till I am completely drained

Yet neither a sob

Nor a tear rolls down

I sit beneath the starry nights

Being cradled by the night breeze

And yet feel suffocated and choked

In the air around me.

My hunger for love and affection

Gnaws at my bitter soul

And nibbles my brains

Slowly yet steadily

And yet I feel stuffed

With the diabetic superficiality

Around me.

I am slowly losing the practicality

I ought to have

And even though I manage

To keep and a sane

And sober appearance outside

The insanity has reached

Its zenith on the inside

I feel exhausted and fatigued

To work and fulfill my duty

Sick and tired

When it comes to being

Humane and nice

Yet I feel a burst of energy

Ready to translate

The frustration brewing inside

Into self-destruction

The conflict

Between the heart and the mind

Translates itself into

A conflict

Between what’s right and wrong

It translates into

A conflict

Whether to face the world in suffocation

Or breathe freely

In my own self-confined shell



Sense the moisture

Of the wet skin

In the fragrance

Of the green rain

Sense the color of her cheek

In the sunset

By the red beach

Sense the twinkle in his eye

In the starry moonless night

Or the coziness

Of the warm bodies

Hugging each other

By the cracking winter fire

Entangle the bubbly joy

With the fragrant evening

Blowing through her hair

Or the tingling peck

When a casual flower

Brushes against your cheek

Sense those whispers

Those sweet nothings

In the rustling golden autumn

Or the jumpy sensation

When your heart skips a beat

Every time you hear

A familiar voice you really love

Sense his honey sweet taste

Every time you lick your lips

Sense the bliss and ecstasy

In the old melodies

Relive the candid moments

In the shy photographs

And preserve

These senses

Deep in your heart

Where the memories

And the love resides


Treat I myself

As wat m capable of

The mould of inhibition I break

Hold I now the future in my hands

Learn to risk I take

Think I of the nights

I dreamt on and on

An attempt to make them real I make

Get I the confidence

To make my own choice

The road less traveled

Is what I take

THE GUMPTION – edited by Koshy

Treat I should myself

As what I'm capable of.

The mould of inhibition I break.

Hold I now the future in my hands

Learn I to take risks

Think I of the nights

I dreamt on and on

Attempt I to make them real

Get I the confidence

To make my own choice

The road less travelled

I take



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