1.
The breathing gets rapid
And sometimes abruptly turns faint
Stops even in the middle
The heart keeps thumping however
The breathing gets shallow
Stops even abruptly once in a while
Only to become rapid and short again
The racing heart against the chest
Unsettled am I….
Suffocating with the existence of the desire
When the realization is prevailing
A realization that
The desire shall always remain a desire.
A lump grows within the parched throat
A gulp
No help
The voice is still lost
The mind is buzzing with conversations and voices
And yet not a word manages to stutter out
The clenched fingers trap the feelings from spilling
The fear envelopes the expression
The desperation refuses to roll down the cheek
Hesitant to narrate…
Unsettled am I….
The burden heaves upon the bosom
Suffocating… gasping…
Struggling to breathe
Struggling to survive
Struggling between the desired and the deserved
Denied I am the voice
The expression
By the fear of the sin I'm about to commit
With the fear of stepping into
The unknown prohibited space
Fear of losing what I desire for
Crave for... yearn for…
2. THE BROKEN VASE
Gathering the pieces
Of a shattered vase
The hand hesitates
Each time
It picks up a part
For the hope with which
I pick them up
Gets folded in
With sorrow and pain
And gets garnished
With the fear
That the vase
Might break again
A cut by the crystal
Reminds me the way
The heart wrenched
Reminds me
Of the love
The longing
The suffering
And the offence
Trickles down
As representatives
Drops of blood
On the floor
For the water in the vase
Dried up long, long ago
Trembles the gluey brush
As it comforts
Each detached piece
Wondering whether
It’ll ever trap the moonlight
Or dance in the sunbeam
Whether it’ll sparkle
In the ‘shine ever again
Whether
Fragrances will bloom
And smile at me again
Whether the adhesive
Will hold them together
Long enough
Never to detach them again
And even then….
Will the cracks
Completely vanish
The scars
Of heartbreak and pain
A whip of the wind
Lashed it down
Scattering the pieces
Which’ll take a lifetime to collect
Yet collecting
Yet doubting
As to will I be able to
Gather back all
As to whether
The vase will be
As charming as before
Will it be admired
And adored…?
With all it imperfections
Scars and more..?
3. THE CONFLICT
Constant chaotic hustle bustle
And buzzing in my head
Yet I feel brain dead
Endless conversations in my mind
And yet the void of silence
Swallows and consumes me whole
I don’t desire to speak a word
Yet crave to scream out loud
I wish to cry and cry
Till I am completely drained
Yet neither a sob
Nor a tear rolls down
I sit beneath the starry nights
Being cradled by the night breeze
And yet feel suffocated and choked
In the air around me.
My hunger for love and affection
Gnaws at my bitter soul
And nibbles my brains
Slowly yet steadily
And yet I feel stuffed
With the diabetic superficiality
Around me.
I am slowly losing the practicality
I ought to have
And even though I manage
To keep and a sane
And sober appearance outside
The insanity has reached
Its zenith on the inside
I feel exhausted and fatigued
To work and fulfill my duty
Sick and tired
When it comes to being
Humane and nice
Yet I feel a burst of energy
Ready to translate
The frustration brewing inside
Into self-destruction
The conflict
Between the heart and the mind
Translates itself into
A conflict
Between what’s right and wrong
It translates into
A conflict
Whether to face the world in suffocation
Or breathe freely
In my own self-confined shell
SENSE IT… RELIVE IT…
Sense the moisture
Of the wet skin
In the fragrance
Of the green rain
Sense the color of her cheek
In the sunset
By the red beach
Sense the twinkle in his eye
In the starry moonless night
Or the coziness
Of the warm bodies
Hugging each other
By the cracking winter fire
Entangle the bubbly joy
With the fragrant evening
Blowing through her hair
Or the tingling peck
When a casual flower
Brushes against your cheek
Sense those whispers
Those sweet nothings
In the rustling golden autumn
Or the jumpy sensation
When your heart skips a beat
Every time you hear
A familiar voice you really love
Sense his honey sweet taste
Every time you lick your lips
Sense the bliss and ecstasy
In the old melodies
Relive the candid moments
In the shy photographs
And preserve
These senses
Deep in your heart
Where the memories
And the love resides
Treat I myself
As wat m capable of
The mould of inhibition I break
Hold I now the future in my hands
Learn to risk I take
Think I of the nights
I dreamt on and on
An attempt to make them real I make
Get I the confidence
To make my own choice
The road less traveled
Is what I take
THE GUMPTION – edited by Koshy
Treat I should myself
As what I'm capable of.
The mould of inhibition I break.
Hold I now the future in my hands
Learn I to take risks
Think I of the nights
I dreamt on and on
Attempt I to make them real
Get I the confidence
To make my own choice
The road less travelled
I take
(ends)
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